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10 Surprising Thoughts Psychologists Warn You Should Never, Ever Voice Out Loud, and Why
10 Surprising Thoughts Psychologists Warn You Should Never, Ever Voice Out Loud, and Why originally appeared on Parade.
Sometimes, things you stay in your head off the tongue. However, psychologists share it's crucial to know what to leave in your head. Some thoughts and opinions shouldn't actually be voiced out loud."Knowing when to hold back is a crucial aspect of emotional intelligence," stresses Dr. Holly Schiff, Psy.D., a licensed clinical psychologist. "Some thoughts can hurt others, break trust or create long-term harm. Not every raw thought is meant to be voiced without reflection."To help you avoid harming others—and yourself by attempting to stick your foot in your mouth literally or at least figuratively—psychologists are revealing 10 thoughts that should never, ever be spoken into existence. They also share ways to work on developing a
10 Thoughts to Never Say Out Loud, According to Psychologists
1. "I wish I were with so and so right now."
Your feelings are valid, but you may hurt another person by letting this thought become spoken word."Even if this is a temporary and fleeting thought, voicing this be emotionally destructive," Dr. Schiff explains the pain can become especially pronounced in romantic relationships and advises people to focus discussions on constructive ways to work on disconnected feelings
2. "You gained weight."
Some people may be surprised to see this one here. However, one psychologist is sharing it because the people in the back haven't gotten the memo that this thought should never be said out loud, even if you think you're "trying to help someone get healthy.""Even if it feels like a casual observation or a well-meaning comment, pointing out someone's body changes can be deeply hurtful," emphasizes Dr. Ernesto Lira de la Rosa, Ph.D., a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor. "It can bring up feelings of shame or insecurity. Unless someone invites that kind of conversation, it is best to keep it to yourself."Related:
3. "That outfit doesn't look great on you."
See also: "I'd ask for a different haircut next time." While you may think you're providing constructive advice to help a person's true beauty shine, these comments can make someone feel self-conscious."Anything that qualifies as blunt commentary concerning someone's appearance can cut deeper than intended," Dr. Schiff says. "There are kinder ways to communicate this if it is necessary. If it's not harming anyone, you should ask yourself if saying it really serves a purpose beyond judgment."
4. "You're just like your "
Dr. Schiff says this one can be a compliment, but she often hears it come up in conflicts as a way to bring another person down a peg."You are weaponizing a family trait as a flaw, and this might be worth exploring privately in therapy, but it is only going to cause defensiveness rather than insight when used in a tense conversation or fight," she if you are using this phrase as a compliment, it's best to ensure that you know the other person has a solid relationship with the family member in question. Otherwise, it may not land as intended.
5. 'I don't like your partner.'
Again, this one may be valid and offered as a well-meaning insight to help a person find someone who values them. However, it's not the most useful way to approach the situation."Sharing your dislike for someone's significant other can feel like an attack, especially if the relationship is serious," Dr. Lira de la Rosa explains that this comment can trigger tension and cause a person to distance themselves from you. A key caveat: It is important to address concerns about safety and emotional harm. However, there's a way to do that—and it's not within earshot of others."If it really needs to be shared, it should come from a place of care and be discussed gently and privately," he
6. 'I wish I had your life.'
It's not the compliment you think it is. Dr. Lira de la Rosa warns that this phrase can miss the mark because the other person may have obstacles you can't see. "Everyone has challenges, even if they are not obvious," he reveals. "This kind of comment can make someone feel unseen or pressured to maintain a perfect image."
7. "Who else would put up with you?"
You may say it with a tongue-in-cheek intent, but Dr. Schiff warns this one lands in all the wrong places in someone else's head. She says it can make a person feel unworthy of love and connection, especially if it's a phrase you use often."If you are thinking this often, it might be time to reassess the relationship dynamic with professional help," she explains.
8. "You're overreacting."
Maybe, maybe not. Either way, no one likes to be on the receiving end of this invalidating comment."This phrase can shut someone down emotionally," Dr. Lira de la Rosa shares. "Instead of helping, it usually leads to more frustration or withdrawal."What would help? Asking a person how they are feeling and listening—sans
9. "At least it's not worse."
This phrase is often a well-intentioned attempt to comfort someone. However, Dr. Lira De la Rosa warns it can feel dismissive—people want empathy and support in challenging moments rather than a reminder that life could be harder. Remember, it could always be worse, but that doesn't mean a situation isn't pretty bad for someone else."A simple 'I'm here for you' goes much further," he points
10. 'I could never do what you do."
Dr. Lira de la Rosa says this phrase is often delivered as an attempt to build someone up. However, it can have the opposite effect."It can unintentionally make the other person feel different or isolated," he explains. "For example, if someone is caregiving or handling a stressful job, they may already feel overwhelmed. Instead of focusing on how you could not do it, try asking how they are managing and offering support."Related:
3 Tips for Deciding What To Say—And What To Keep to Yourself
1. Pause before speaking
A simple breath or count to 10 can do wonders when figuring out whether or not you should say something out loud. While you're counting, Dr. Lira de la Rosa suggests asking yourself, "What am I hoping will happen if I say this?""That small pause gives you time to respond with intention instead of reacting automatically," he
2. Notice patterns in your communication
No one says the precise right thing all the time, and everyone makes mistakes. However, consistently inserting your foot into your mouth can reveal a need to develop a stronger filter."Pay attention to situations where you tend to say things you later regret," Dr. Lira de la Rosa says. "Are you trying to lighten the mood? Fill an awkward silence? Feel more in control? The more aware you are of your habits, the easier it becomes to make a different choice next time."
3. Ask this key question
There's honesty, and then there's acting casually cruel in the name of being honest (as Taylor Swift sings). Dr. Schiff shares that this one question can provide clarity."Ask yourself if what you're about to say is helpful or just true," she recommends. "Prioritize compassion over the urge to unload every raw observation."
Up Next:Sources:
Dr. Holly Schiff, Psy.D., a licensed clinical psychologist
Dr. Ernesto Lira de la Rosa, Ph.D., a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor
10 Surprising Thoughts Psychologists Warn You Should Never, Ever Voice Out Loud, and Why first appeared on Parade on Aug 14, 2025
This story was originally reported by Parade on Aug 14, 2025, where it first appeared.
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